I know I should invest, but . . .

I know. You’re a doctor. You just want to take care of patients and let money take care of itself. But bottom line, we need to learn how to invest anyway. Otherwise, our money will evaporate from inflation and other people’s over-valued advice. Hospital politics recently forced me to look for an exit, which meant I took control of my own money. You can too. I’m not a registered financial advisor, of course, but here are some common stumbling blocks I hear, and how to overcome them. 1. I don’t know what to buy. (I don’t have time, it’s too complicated. . . . ) Good news. It’s not complicated. Just follow an algorithm. Read: Terrible clinic. Send wine. That’s right. You know how there are flow charts for how to treat communityacquired pneumonia? Well, they have the same thing for investing, only even easier! Now you can buy exchangetraded funds (ETFs) that follow the market for you, and invest in U.S., Canadian and international markets in one fell swoop. But one size doesn’t quite fit all. Ask yourself some questions: When do you need the money? How much money are you willing to lose? What are your investment goals? Do you have ethical considerations? Take a risk tolerance test—they are available online Most people want to take some risk to get some reward without losing all their money, and the general advice is 60% stocks (equity, or investment in businesses, to power your portfolio), 40% bonds (loans that will give you a steady interest rate and that don’t tend to crash the same way stocks do). Go through your bank or investment platform to set up an investment account. Not gonna lie, it’s a bit of a pain, but so worth it. Then buy an ETF that’s 60% stocks, 40% bonds, like VBAL or XBAL. That’s it. One click to buy. Done. You’re a baller. Keep doing that. 2. I could lose everything. (It’s like gambling. One doctor is 84 and still working because he lost it all in the stock market.) Yeah, so I’m betting the 84-year-old didn’t buy a low-cost, sensible ETF or ETFs. Doctors have an unfortunate habit of handing over their money to grifters, or to their inexperienced friends. Either way, say bye-bye to your cash. Read: When your children are wiser than you Doctors think: “It’s OK, I’ll always have medicine to fall back on.” The problem is, medicine is giving us more crap and less money. As the pandemic proved to surgeons and anesthesiologists, money isn’t an endless, effortless stream. And even if it were, wouldn’t you like your money to make you more money while you sleep post-call? The stock market isn’t logical or predictable, but it’s not gambling, either. About 3/4 of the time, the American stock market has gone up. That doesn’t mean it will do so indefinitely (past performance doesn’t dictate future earnings, especially in a mature market like the U.S.), but it’s a good bet as long as you can ride out the dips and crashes long-term. That’s why you don’t invest the down payment for your house or your rent money. You can’t afford to lose it. But if you can ride out 10 years, 20 years—hey, most likely, the market will go up. If you invest in enough companies around the world through the magic of your ETFs, one or more of them will make money for you. And make sure you have enough stocks/equity. They used to tell you to increase your bonds with age, but Early Retirement Now, a website, has calculated that if your retirement lasts 30 years or more, you’ll probably need about 70% equity so that inflation doesn’t eat all your cash. 3. I need someone to hold my hand. OK. You have a few options. Read books and blogs and magazines to make yourself feel more comfortable. Invest with a buddy—you can both click on “Buy” at the same time and celebrate! If that’s too DIY, you could hire a good money coach or fee-for-service financial advisor to hold your hand. Then once you’ve done it a few times, you’ll realize it’s much less intimidating than facing down a patient demanding Dilaudid. Read: When mental health hits too close to home If any sort of DIY is too scary, you can try a robo-advisor. These companies will invest your money according to the same algorithm and usually take about an extra 0.5% of your money. If you imagine your retirement money as a cake you’re baking, the robos will eat 0.5% of it, plus you’ll lose whatever fees your funds charge, but it’s better to have a cake with bites out of it than no cake at all. If you absolutely can’t handle this, hire a financial planner. They have nice offices, make pretty reports, and offer you coffee if you come to visit. Planners will usually take at least 1% of all your money (“assets under management”), plus they may advise you to buy funds that cost another 2% or 3% of your money. This may not seem like a lot, but it builds up over time. For example, if you calculate a less draconian scenario with your T-Rex score (see larrybates.ca), look how investing just $10,000 over 25 years, with 6.4% returns, and annual fee of 1.75%, results in a total gain of $37,156. This sounds pretty sweet until you realize that you get to keep $21,152 and $16,005 goes to the financial advisor and/or mutual funds—they take almost as much cake as you! Just for giving you an annual report and coffee! The first step is the hardest. So, at worst, hire someone to hold your hand until you feel ready to cut the umbilical cord. Then fly, dear doctor, fly. Dr. Melissa Yuan-Innes is an emergency physician in Alexandria, Ont.

I know I should invest, but . . .

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