You hurt because you are strong

I see people in mental pain every day. I meet patients who quietly carry the stories of what hurts them in their life. Many of them think that their mental suffering is a sign of their weakness, defect, character flaw or failure.I used to think this, too, once upon a time.Over years I’ve come to learn something. Something I now print on shirts and wear on some days when I meet patients for their first mental health consultation: those who suffer the most often care the most. Their pain does not come from a place of weakness. It comes from strength. From sensitivity. From the capacity to feel, to care, to love, to be moved. When an intense capacity to care and connect in life meets trauma, pressure, or loss, it can only respond one way: with pain.Hence the slogan I now wear on certain days:“You hurt because you are strong.” Read: Dr. Jabir Jassam: Defensive medicineI wear it on some days when I see new patients. I do it on purpose. I don’t need to explain. I just walk in. And what happens next … has always been better than I imagined.They see it right away. Some of them read it out loud. Some of them point and smile. Some cry. Not one person has ever ignored it. A few whisper, “That’s for me.” They feel seen. They feel understood. Before we have even exchanged a single word. That’s when I knew—I had to keep wearing it. Because it does something that no medication can.In mental health, the most difficult part of treatment is often the beginning. Most people who come to see me walk through the door with years, if not decades of shame. Shame about how they feel, about what they can’t control, about being “too sensitive” or “too emotional” or “too much” and for needing help. They have been told to toughen up, snap out of it, or move on. And there I am, standing before them, and I don’t say, “you are sick” but rather: You are strong.I will never forget the difference that simple message can make.I tell them that their symptoms are not a sign of failure, but rather a signal from a mind that feels very deeply. I explain to them that anxiety, depression, emotional dysregulation does not visit those with empty souls. On the contrary, they show up in people who are wired to connect, to care, to feel pain and injustice and be moved by it. I explain to them that sometimes our hurt is in proportion to our capacity to care. And I see it over and over again, as the faces of my patients visibly relax with relief. Not because their problems go away, but because someone has seen their pain and deemed it a strength—instead of a flaw.For me, that is medicine. The slogan I wear has become more than just words. It has become a bridge. It bridges the space between myself and my patients. It tells them: I see you. I’m with you. I get it. And the effect is real. Even the most defensive patients relax. They let down their guard. They open up and share. Because the shirt says to them: this clinic is not just a cold, medical, exam room. It is a safe place. It says that they are here for a reason. That there is hope for them. It allows them to believe they’re not broken, just human. Extra human. I see mental illness not as a disease of the weak, but as a sign of someone who feels, cares and has simply taken on too much, usually in silence.I will keep reminding my patients—and those in pain that I meet in life:You hurt because you are strong. And this strength … is the beginning of healing.Until, with time, this slogan may come to reflect a deeper truth: “You are strong because you hurt.” Dr. Jabir Jassam is a family physician in Ottawa.

You hurt because you are strong

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