Was bigger always better?

In this time of provincial politics and medical crises, this article is meant to be full and bulging with fun. No hitting below the belt. I’ve been working in the area of men’s sexual health for over 20 years, so this article was bound to be unzipped at one point or another. Driving to a Saturday morning art market in Calgary, we happened to catch CBC’s comedy show About News that featured a recent article in the British Journal of Urology, that’s BJ-U. This uplifting publication “Depictions of penises in historical paintings reflect changing perceptions of the ideal penis size” is a genuine research study with the objective, “to investigate alterations in depicted penis size by evaluating nude male paintings from the 15th to 21st centuries”. I love to write fiction, but honestly, it would be hard to make this stuff up. Spoiler alert, the paper has a predictable climax. The methodology excluded 31% of the paintings reviewed which depicted adolescents (which I assume must include the vast assortment of cherubs) or erect penises (can’t say I’ve ever seen these, even in the Renaissance period). Penile length to ear length (PtEL) or penile length to nose length (PtNL) were calculated to standardise the measurements. If PtEL could not be ascertained, then nose length was used instead of the ear, as the nose length is defined as equal to ear length according to the golden ratio (think Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man). As I wandered around the market I couldn’t help but look at a lot of male ears and noses. Who knew? I have probably witnessed some 10,000 penises, a statement I usually make to normalize the situation in an anxious and embarrassed male patient, and I’m not sure that I’ve ever made the “golden” connection. Having short stubby fingers myself, I’ve never believed the adage, long fingers, long penis because it just isn’t true (Level VII evidence, from the opinion of authorities and/or reports of expert committees, or in this case single expert committee member, with emphasis on member). Was the evidence strong enough to penetrate the scientific world? Reading the final statements, there was definitely not a premature completion. The conclusions were rock solid. “In paintings depicting nude males, the size of the penis has gradually increased throughout the past seven centuries, and especially after the 20th century.” A monumental finding of monolithic proportion. Perhaps somewhat rigid in its interpretation. So what does this all mean? Their somewhat anticlimactic summary, “this observation illustrates the changing sociocultural inputs into male body image and emphasises the need for improved understanding of the sociocultural factors associated with the perception of penis size in men”. Art mirrors life. Even the most traditional art world has proven to demonstrate the adage that “bigger is better” even if stated in flaccid tones. Will these findings become priapistic or will they tuminescently fade as quickly as they came? The refractory period might be surprisingly brief before inflexible editorial comments come surging in. Oh, for reference sake, so you don’t have to Google it :the average measurements of the non-erect subject discussed above are as follows: Length: 9.16 cm (3.6 in) when stretched Girth: 9.31 cm (3.66 in) Being serious for a moment, I see far too many guys who are intimidated by pictures and videos depicting unusually large phalluses. The ideal size? “Fragile masculinity” is running rampant these days. Already socially inept, and thanks to the internet, we have a generation of young men who are struggling to live up to an unattainable and mostly false image of “normal”. This can be quite destructive to their confidence and ego. I focus on educating and reassuring and spend time being a coach and cheerleader to bolster their self-confidence. Long and hard work. So from an MD with a vested interest in this anatomical area, I won’t thank the contemporary artists for their well-hung paintings. Dr. Ted Jablonski is a singer-songwriter, emerging playwright and neophyte poet who has retired his family practice to focus on sexual medicine and transgender health in Southern Alberta. He finds himself advising medical students at the Cumming School of Medicine and still on the front-line trenches of acute primary care.

Was bigger always better?

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