Vaccination's unwilling and unable

How do you manage the unvaccinated people in your life? In my life, I have two distinctly different “categories” of unvaccinated people; the unable and then unwilling. I can’t decide which group frustrates me more. I’ll start with the unwilling. This is my mother. I’m sure everyone has one (or a few) of these people in their lives right now. My mother is in her mid-60s, she’s generally healthy (in her opinion) with a 25-pack-year smoking history (but she quit 10 years ago), chronic bronchitis (likely undiagnosed COPD), central obesity, and a strong family history of diabetes and cardiovascular disease. She also believes that the vaccine is a scam and she doesn’t want to get it. She doesn’t trust “science” and instead believes the multiple conspiracy theories circulating in her relatively tight-knit group of similarly-minded social media friends. I’ve tried to have discussions with my mother about receiving the vaccine, to no avail. I don’t live in the same city as my mother and she hasn’t had occasion to visit with me or my children since vaccines became available. So, after our initial discussion, which only left me angry, frustrated, and in disbelief about my mother’s distrust of my own professional field, I dropped the topic and have not broached the subject again. This summer, though, we are passing through Alberta as we move across the country to BC. For a week, we will be visiting with my family, including my mother. There is a high likelihood that we will either be staying at her house, or at the very least, she will have the kids sleepover for some nights. Foolishly, I figured with Alberta’s huge push to vaccinate the population and open the restrictions, she would “come to the light” and get her vaccine. But she didn’t. And she’s not planning on it. At this point, I’ll move onto the unable. These are my kids. They are aged 11, 9, and 5. Currently, there is no approved vaccine for use in their age group—so even if I wanted to get them vaccinated, I can’t. However, the inability to vaccinate my children seems to be a completely moot point to anyone who has any say in the regulations around the easing of current restrictions. As gathering and travel restrictions ease, everyone is assigned a status of either “vaccinated” or “unvaccinated.” There is no middle ground for the “unable to vaccinate” group – AKA, the children under age 12. When it boils down to it, this is yet another thinly veiled and prejudicial restriction placed on young children and their immediate families. Until vaccines are available for kids under age 12, our family remains restricted at indoor gatherings, travel remains difficult, and there appears to be the impetus to “protect our children” in the same way that we were all so urgently encouraged to “protect our vulnerable.” It is also somewhat insulting (to me anyway), that someone like my mother can choose to remain unvaccinated and thereby impose such restrictions on herself (even though she doesn’t), but my family has no choice. So, with both unable and unwillingly unvaccinated people in my immediate family, where does this situation leave me as restrictions ease this summer? I know some people are choosing to not interact with people who are unvaccinated. And to what end? Is this to “protect” [the unvaccinated] from getting sick? Is this to protect [the vaccinated] from needless exposure? Or, is this a subliminal form of social chastisement for not doing what needs to happen so that we can all get back to normal? Do I refuse to let my mother have unrestricted visits with my kids because she chose not to get vaccinated? This would cause enormous family drama, anger, and long-lasting rifts, which I could blame on her choosing not to vaccinate and she could blame on me not respecting her right to choose. Regardless, it would be ugly. I could say that I am only trying to protect her, and I would feel immensely guilty if she were to get sick and require ICU admission because she interacted with my kids (who CANNOT get vaccinated). But the reality is that she could get sick from covid from many other sources, including my kids, and we could never prove her source of infection. I could also accept that this was HER choice to make, and if she gets severely ill, well that’s a consequence of her right to choose. Alternatively, I could say that I am trying to protect MY kids, who are not eligible to get the vaccine, from unnecessary exposure to potential sources of the virus. But the honest truth is that kids have been at such low risk (I know it’s not no-risk) of severe illness from COVID, and they have really struggled and suffered enough from the covid restrictions that seem to have unfairly affected them. My kids love their grandmother, they hardly get to see her, and it would be unfair to put them in the middle of a family feud that they will not comprehend and will only worsen their covid experience… and then would it be their grandma’s fault on top of that, wouldn’t it? If we take my mother out of the equation, what about a family vacation? Like everyone else in Canada, when travel restrictions lifted our family began to plan a long-awaited and very necessary family vacation. Unfortunately, our excitement lasted about five seconds, until it was announced that ANYONE who is unvaccinated must still quarantine for two weeks once they return to Canada. Not anyone who CHOOSES to be unvaccinated… but anyone who IS unvaccinated. So, although my husband and I are fully vaccinated, we happen to have three children who are not eligible to receive the vaccine and are, therefore, still not easily able to travel as a family outside of the country because we must somehow figure out how to quarantine three children (requiring childcare, and who will have to miss school) when we return. Has anyone forgotten that the parents of young children (and children themselves) have already been the victims of significant collateral damage because of the heavy restrictions and lockdowns during the pandemic? Now that the noose around our collective necks is finally loosening, young families continue to be held back by restrictions that are completely out of their control. If unvaccinated children pose such a huge risk to society (or is it to themselves?), then why are we not remaining locked down to continue protecting our children? Or, why weren’t safety trials on vaccines for children started earlier or expedited? Society locked down for 18 months to protect the most vulnerable population – those who were at highest risk for getting sick. Now that this group of people are all vaccinated, why are children still the ones most strongly affected by government rules and regulations? Children are either a risk, or they aren’t. They can’t be both. So, while my mother has made the choice to not get vaccinated, thereby accepting that she will require ongoing restrictions, and possibly putting other “high risk” segments of society at risk, I am not so lucky to have a choice. My kids cannot get vaccinated, I must remain vigilant and continue restricting my children, I must potentially jeopardize family relationships because of other people’s right to choose, and even though my husband and I are both fully vaccinated, we seem to have little reward for being good, compliant members of society.

Vaccination's unwilling and unable

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