Dr. Innie and Dr. Outie

Whatever amount of time you spend on your external vs. internal self, reverse that ratio for a week. During my clerkship rotation on general surgery, I managed to pick up a copy of Glamour magazine that made that suggestion, although I'm sure they phrased it differently. I had a good laugh. I'd already cut off my hair for my surgical rotation. Zero chance of me spending more time primping this month! I suspected that most of their readers were more interested in lipstick than studying liposomes, but it was a good rule of thumb that stuck with me, even though I didn’t implement it. Read: Health is finite...truly In medicine, you’re rewarded for answering quickly and accurately on rounds and on exams. Brains, brains, brains—with a side order of heart (compassion, or the appearance thereof). Your physical well-being garners no interest, except that if you have greater physical stamina, you’ll be able to retract in the OR for longer and take more days of call. I suppose they might say it’s cool if you hiked Mount Everest, but really, all of us want to know when you’re coming back to take call. So I did minimal exercise. Mostly, I ignored my body and treated it like an accessory. Read: Dear Doctor, are you intuitive? Do I fit in that dress? Perfect, ignore the body again until the next formal. Not 100%, of course. In fourth-year med school, snuffling through a cold, after dragging myself through a day of pre-exam refresher courses, I asked my friends and fellow students if I should push through and work out, or go home and sleep. “Work out! Then you’ll have more energy and have a really good sleep afterward,” said one. “Yes!” My other friend agreed. The cells of my body immediately cried out in protest. Wrong answer. I felt exhausted just listening to them. I went home and slept. It was absolutely the right decision. I could have worked out afterwards, but not before. Related story: one of the reasons I fell in love with my husband was that he never pressures me to work. If I tell him, “I didn’t get anything done today,” he says, “Good.” End of conversation. He knows that I’m a workaholic from a workaholic family, and if I get any more guilt about resting, I will bludgeon the closest human. I started reading books by a playful artist named Sark, partly because she says things like this: take a nap immediately. So awesome. You can tell she’s not Chinese. Life coach Martha Beck recommends listening to your body whenever you’re uncertain. If someone says, “Would you like to do five night-shifts in a row?” and you think you don’t know, but your shoulders have clenched, there’s your answer. Like pier Mary Oliver said, we only have to let the soft animals of our bodies love what they love. That is, instead of treating them like an oil well we pump dry and yell at when it breaks. When I worked with actors, several of them were adamant about the fact they treat their bodies well. "This is my livelihood. I must eat right. I must exercise. I must train my voice." How strange that our bodies are just as much our livelihoods, but the subject only comes up when an agent tells us to buy disability or life insurance (I recommend both, by the way). We don't love and treasure and revere our bodies. We, or at least I, work first, last, and always. Maybe things are changing. I was surprised to read a survey that showed a high proportion of physicians exercise. Now I work out six days a week. I wonder how many of us enjoy the exercise, or if it's another thing we check off the list mechanically, without joy. But that's the beginning of another article. How do you take care of your inner vs. outer self?

Dr. Innie and Dr. Outie

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