The art of failure

Although the title of this essay may seem strange and funny, it is a circumstance that we live and see every day. There are many examples of people and organizations which practice this art regularly. The most annoying and disturbing part is when they want you to see the failure as a success and to be applauded for that “success”—which is really a failure. Back in university My younger brother and I were university students at the same time back in Iraq: I was in the medical school and he was in the engineering school. We both receive a fixed monthly salary from our father. In our culture, most of the time, the family is responsible for supporting students until they graduate. My father was a solid piece of glass: soft and smooth but hard to break. He was open minded and easy to negotiate with, but if we didn’t have a logical reason, we’d get nothing from him. He was a friend to us boys, but there was a limit to this friendship. Read: What do organizations like the CMA and OMA do exactly? One day, my brother thought he had a business idea, but he needed a big chunk of money to start and the only potential source was my father. But after making the business idea pitch he got a one-sentence answer from our father: “Finish your school first.” My father’s philosophy was that he would support us throughout our years of schooling but we had to focus on studying only and do nothing else until we graduated. My brother consulted me My brother came to consult me and I told him he had to be an artist to win such a negotiation with our father and lectured him about the art of negotiation. My brother and I sat a few times and prepared for another pitch to our father, including how much my brother needed, the return of profit and the benefit of such a business to the family We caught my father at night before he went to bed as I thought that was the right time. "Dad, we need to talk to you," I started the discussion as the older brother. "OK, what’s up, boys?" "It's about my brother’s business idea and getting your support," I said. "As I remember I answered him," he replied. "Yes, dad," I said, trying to be a good negotiator. "We would like to show you the benefit of this business and how helpful it would be for you because my brother would pay me a salary and that would give you a relief." "OK, that would be great, how?" The negotiator I started to use my artistic way of convincing my father and explained everything to him. He looked at me, smiled and said, "Why don’t you support him?" I started to feel itchy and irritable and asked, with worry and fear, "How would I support him, dad?" "From the money I give you each month," he said. "I can’t, dad, you know how much you pay me a month." "OK then, I have another idea." "What is it, dad?" I asked gently. "I could cut 10% of your salary for the next three years and give it to him." "No, dad, please, 10% would kill me." "Then what do you think?" he asked me. "My brother and I will go through the numbers and maybe get back to you next year," I said. My father said: "OK boys, goodnight." "Goodnight, dad, but please don’t cut anything for now until we talk to you again." My brother’s laughter After he left, my brother broke into hysterical laughter and started making fun of me and my negotiating technique. He thought it was too funny the way I negotiated with the party that pays me a monthly salary and how I started begging my father not to stop my salary or cut part of it. We never repeated that negotiation and I didn’t negotiate with my father about anything until after I graduated because I knew I wasn’t equipped to do it and I would lose any negotiation as long as I start the negotiation with a defeated mentality. My brother then renamed my “art of negotiation” as the art of failure. However, I did learn that if you want to win a negotiation, you must be mentally prepared for it. You must be able to disagree, as well as to maneuver, have alternatives, and have the ability to pressure your negotiating opponent. OK, OMA members, good night. Dr. Jabir Jassam is a family physician who works at Health Treasure Medical Center in Ottawa.

The art of failure

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