Are you caught in the perfect doctor trap?

Hi, you look perfect today. Smart, good-looking, well-spoken, beautifully dressed, high income, balancing work and home life. Wow! Feels good, right? We look like we're winning at life and get addicted to the achievement and praise. We must deny any error or shortcoming and/or gracefully sweep it aside as a learning experience while we strive ever-harder. Oh, this is nothing, I still need to compete in my 10th Ironman. My child only won two awards at preschool. I have five more papers to write… Perfect doesn't feel as good as it looks. Makes for an excellent photo or post, but as Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “I think perfectionism is just a high-end, haute couture version of fear.” I prescribe silliness. Seriously, have you tried rolling around in the dirt, making faces with kids, cooing at your dog, or taking a clown workshop? Cooking something random, teaching at an elementary school, aerial gymnastics, surfing, drawing a web cartoon, or making a TikTok? If not, whya not? (The 'whya' is an accident. I left it in! More silliness!) I know people make fun of me, or could do so very easily. Read: There's a song for that Here's one way: I could plow through patients faster, moving patients through with the minimum. Don't bother listening to the history, no physical exam, reassure them that it's all in their head so they don't need any investigations but here's an antibiotic just in case! (A popular mode with nurses, because patients leave the ER swiftly and it clears the board and waiting room.) I can't do this. Not why I went into medicine. I tend to offer the full meal deal, so I make less money but sleep better at night and have to field the occasional irritated comment from nurses while patients wait longer but thank me in the end. I can live with this. Here's another way: after my other writing friends raked it in on Kickstarter for their books, I launched a campaign until October 18. I researched the platform through podcasts and observation and "fully funded" (reached my goal, which was $500) in 2.25 hours. But I know if anyone wanted to laugh at me, they would, since I may not reach $2,000 overall, and I can net that in a shift without the costs of books and extra time. I vacillate between triumph (more than 300% funded!) and making fun of myself too. But I do it anyway, reminding myself that it's my first time, I can learn better for next time (didn't have my final book cover when I launched, stopped posting on social media because it bored me, etc.). Timely example: I wore a bright red clown wig to the ER one Hallowe'en! I brought extra wigs and pumpkins so other doctors and nurses could join in. The chief of ER briefly chose a long, blond one before pulling it off. Otherwise, no takers. Only my pumpkins and I looked festive. "Are you going to wear that in a code?" asked a nurse. Ah, well. Read: When a nurse needs your help Why dare to be bad instead of rocking your perfect self? At a time of crisis—and we're all one phone call from our knees, Mat Kearney's song reminds us—I read Debbie Ford's book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. She introduced me to Jungian philosophy and the idea that we lock away "shadow selves" considered socially unacceptable, but that continue to lurk and can lunge outward years later. Far better to release all your selves now so that when fate slaps you upside the head, you already know life ain't perfect and loving friends and family can shore you up, the way they did when you tried to stand up for the first time. Bonus points: show me your Hallowe'en costume! I can handle the humiliation if you can. Let's have fun together! Read: Doctor, how bad is it?

Are you caught in the perfect doctor trap?

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Blog Author

Dr. Melissa Yuan-Innes

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